Struggling People Don't Need This from Christians...

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” - Proverbs 25: 28

Introduction:

As a Christian you know God can heal anyone with an addiction. No habit, hurt or hang up is too big for him. But we can get so enthusiastic about what God can do we go overboard. Plus, we can get frustrated if we've been dealing with relative or spouse who is struggling.

Out of desperation and exasperation we end up doing something that never works. Using control to make them change their ways. There are many controlling others doesn't work. Today's will share what to do instead when you find yourself at your wits end with someone dealing with an addiction and so on.

Now, here's how to stop controlling someone with a habit, hurt or hang up. What you learn can help you and them! 👊

1. Work on Your Self-Control

When I got into Celebrate Recovery I was shocked by revelation; My life was out of control! Although some people around me had their issues, I was so focused on them I was blind to my issues. Naturally, I was in more trouble than they were! I never had a drug or alcohol problem. But I had other issues.

A crazy, godly thing happens when you start noticing your shortcomings. You start to improve your self-control! I encourage you to start focusing on the issues keeping you stuck. Maybe you're impatient, angry, overeat, or talk down to others. Get the help you need. God will take care of everyone else.

2. Let People Learn Their Lessons

There's a reason your sibling, parent, child or friend are still stuck. They're in pain and there are lessons they need to learn. People are smarter than we know. Nobody wakes up looking to be addicted to anything. Something happens and they get trapped in it.

When you fall into a bad habit or addiction you stuck on a wheel. It becomes so easy to be on it the idea of getting off seems impossible. That's because they haven't learned the tools needed to get off that wheel. Stop telling them what they need to do. Let them learn their lessons only they can learn.

3. Practice Healthy Detachment

It's easy to get angry with someone who refuses to see their situation your way. In time it will drive you crazy trying to control others. The solution is healthy detachment. I learned that when you stop hounding people to change their lives in hidden and obvious ways, God has a way of helping them out!

Life is like water. It's always moving. So, while you're spending the time God gave you to change, he's using time to change someone you can't! Don't jump into rescuing someone with a habit, hurt or hang up. Detach and focus on your life. People do what they want to do not what they're controlled to do.

4. Place People In God's Hands

Each day, I give my wife and children to God. Any changes he needs to make in them I leave to him. As a healed codependent I still have to practice Undependence. Part of that knowing who and what to give to God today, so I don't hop back into controlling.

I understand it can get hard when that struggling someone is your teen son or daughter. The idea of giving them to anyone sounds nuts! After all, you're their parent. But all teens are the pre-adult versions of ourselves. Even they have to be given to God each day, so he can do his special work in them.

5. Don't Give Unsolicited Advice

The classic superpower of codependents is our ability to give unsolicited advice. We're so smart if you put us in a room we'd solve the worlds problems in thirty days or less! But leave us to solve our own and we can get stuck, fast. I'm sure you've tried to give plenty of unwanted advice to your addicted loved one and others. Don't!

When I recovered from codependency I had gotten good at not giving unsolicited advice. I still have to watch it because it's such an easy thing to do. Instead, let people fall and learn their lessons. Yes, a bit of repeat of step two, but it's worth it! You will keep yourself from getting hurt in ways you didn't expect.

Next time, we will discuss what can happen if you don't stop controlling others. You fall into a place most find it hard to get out of. See you in the next lesson!

Recovery Tip Video: Remove Your Distractions

Scriptural Reference:

Feel free to use the scriptures below for your study of today's topic. Or use them to remind yourself on how to handle the area of control.

• Proverbs 25: 28 - A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

• 2 Timothy 1: 7 - For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

• Galatians 5: 22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

• 1 Corinthians 9: 27 - But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

• Proverbs 29: 11 - A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

• Proverbs 18: 21 - .Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

• Romans 8: 28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

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