Don't Play the "Shame Game"
“For the Scripture says, 'Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame." - Romans 10: 11
Introduction:
Vinegar and oil don't mix. Neither does beating yourself or others up with shame. It can be frustrating dealing with a loved one or friend who is stuck in a hurtful habit. Seeing go through it tugs at your soul. But shaming them won't work.
It does more ham than good because they realize something on the inside; They'll never be good enough for you or anyone else. Today's lesson share how shame affects you, and how to overcome it on a daily basis.
Don't let shame keep you from showing the love of Christ to others and yourself. Check out these quick tips edify yourself and those who need healing!
1. Show Empathy
Anyone who drinks, does drugs or overspends knows something obvious; They have a problem they can't solve despite their best efforts. It's a terrible place to be in your heart and mind. As a Christian who knows them don't judge them. Instead show empathy by making it clear what they're going through is painful. If you're already doing this continue to. They will thank you later as they heal.
2. Don't Eat at Their Soul
The shame of addiction and other hurtful patterns runs deep in the one affected. They know they've ostracized people they know. It's clear to them their family and friends don't appreciate how they have affected them. But words of shame and condemnation won't lift them out of rock bottom. All they do is eat at their soul. Always use words of kindness and edification to the one drowning in their issues.
3. Refuse to Be Anxious
Over forty million people in America suffer from forms of anxiety. I've been overcoming anxiety for a few years. I understand the grip it can have on you. The same is true when you're stressing over a loved one in a painful pattern. Allowing anxiety to rule you can cause you to stop living your life. That's dangerous because you have a purpose. Refuse to let the decisions of others trapped in addiction and other habits to catch you in the clutches of anxiety. Whatever you can't handle give to God!
4. Stay Connected
Nothing can be more disheartening when your loved one refuses your help. You see them drowning. It's clear where they're headed. But you can't make them do what's best for them. It's not your fault when they reject you. But sometimes, you can feel so ashamed about not saving them, you get down on yourself. That's why it's key to stay connected to strong, fellow Christians who can support you through these challenging times. Their prayers and listening ears will go a long way in helping you.
5. Be Willing to Serve
Serving as a volunteer at your local church, food bank or other community setting will help you focus your energy, gifts, and talents where you're wanted. Our addicted relative, spouse or close friend may not be ready to accept your help. So, give it to people and places that are ready for it. Your gifts and talents allow you to do the "special work" Christians were made to do. When this energy has a home shame doesn't get the power over you it once did.
6. Take a Break
When you have someone addicted living in your home breaks are key. They're living their lives whether you're around or not. And they will keep making good or bad decisions. Learn to take breaks from those you love. If God rested after six days of work who are you to keep pushing when you need rest? God modeled rest, so we knew when to take a break. Use yours as often as you need to!
7. Hide Your "Pointing Finger"
Telling your addicted loved one they need to be like someone else doesn't help. First, they can only be themselves. Second, God only made man to be in his likeness. No matter how well-adjusted another sibling or relative in your home may be, your hurting loved one can never be them. Hide your "pointing finger." It won't serve to shame them through comparison. After all comparison is about judgement and comparisons that unrealistic and a lie.
Recovery Tip: Try His Strength Instead
Scriptural Reference:
Use God's word to remember the lesson on overcoming shame today. Most are short and easy to remember with practice!
Romans 10: 11 - “For the Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame."
Psalm 103: 12 - As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
Psalm 31: 1 - “In You, O Lord, I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in Your righteousness.”
Romans 8: 1 - “There is, therefore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”
Hebrews 8: 12 - “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”
1 Peter 4: 16 - “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.”
1 John 1: 9 - “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Need Prayer?
Need prayer for your habits, hurts and hang ups? Send your requests to [email protected].
